


no title yet

by asagraves3589



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-12
Updated: 2014-04-12
Packaged: 2018-01-19 01:22:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1450054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asagraves3589/pseuds/asagraves3589
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>this is my first fanfic. it is NOT finished. i've hit writer's block and simply wanted to see how the first part would be received. any input would be fun as well. hope you enjoy! thanks!</p>
            </blockquote>





	no title yet

TITLE

***

Sam is in the hospital after the trials. Cas finds Dean after losing his grace. Dean has finally gotten a motel room after three days of sitting by Sam’s hospital bed. The doctors still say he’s stable but they are unaware of what the future holds. They’ve told Dean not to expect anything yet.

***

            Dean entered his room and sat on the bed with his head in his hands, thinking of a time when hunting seemed to be the best thing in the world; thinking of when Sam and he would travel around in pursuit of the next big case. He remembered how care-free he felt with his little brother by his side and a purpose in life. That was before the Apocalypse; before they knew about angels and before Hell; before Purgatory and the lies and betrayals of the people he trusted most. All of this ran through his mind in no particular order, the way thoughts do – forcing themselves to the forefront as if in a desperate race to be remembered. Dean could feel the sting of tears in his eyes and found himself wishing Cas were there. He needed someone to talk to. Sitting around knowing he couldn’t help Sam was eating him alive. He knew the angels had fallen and this left him with a feeling of loneliness he hadn’t felt in ages; knowing he couldn’t simply speak his prayer into the heavy air around him. Cas couldn’t hear him. He was alone. Just then, Dean heard a small tap on his motel room door. On edge from all that was going on, Dean grabbed his gun and looked through the peep-hole. It was Cas. Dean opened the door, set his gun down, and just stared. Cas looked at him.

“Dean”, he said. The sound of Cas speaking his name gave him a sense of comfort. “Cas”, uttered Dean, barely more than a whisper.

Dean stepped to the side, allowing Cas to enter the room. He looked around the room as if surveying its inadequacy; his brow furrowed in his usual quizzical manner.

“How’d you know I was here?” Dean asked.

“I went back to the bunker hoping you’d returned and I found Sam’s research. He noted an abandoned church – consecrated ground. I went there, hoping to find you. When I arrived I found the inside in disarray. There was blood and debris scattered everywhere. The next logical place to look for you was the nearest hospital. I found Sam but you had already gone. I asked the nurse if she’d known where you went. She told me you had left a number and that you were staying at a nearby motel in case Sam made any progress”.

“Wow”, Dean breathed. “How long did that take you?”

“Three days. When I realized I was no longer an angel and couldn’t hear you I had to improvise. Traveling as humans do is very tedious and time consuming. And hunger and thirst only hinder the ability to accomplish tasks.”

Cas sat down on the bed and returned his gaze to Dean.

“Well, I’m glad you’re here. Sam’s in bad shape.” His thoughts went back to the night he took Sammy to the hospital; the night they saw the angels fall. “And, man what the hell happened with the angels?” Cas’ expression became even more harsh.

“It was Metatron. He tricked me into believing I was closing the gates of Heaven. That was not the case. I expect those of my brothers and sisters who remember their time as a celestial being will be less than happy with me.”

Dean, still standing by the now closed door walked toward Cas.

“Well just lay low for a while. Now that ‘Angel-Radio’ is shut down for good it’ll be almost impossible for them to find you. You can stay here”.

“Yes, that sounds like a logical plan” Cas stated, sounding less harsh than when he had been recounting Metatron’s deception.

Dean felt a weight lift from him. Cas’ decision to stay made him feel less alone; less helpless.

            It had been a long three days and Dean needed rest. He walked to the bed and began tossing the throw pillows to the floor and turning down the sheets.

“Cas, you take the couch. You need sleep too, now that your wings are clipped.”

“Yes, I suppose I do,” Cas muttered. He walked to the couch and sat down, stiff backed. “How – How do I sleep?”

Dean stopped turning down the sheets and looked up to find Cas with a strange look on his face. There was something different in his eyes; something Dean recognized as helplessness. In that tiny moment, the fact that Cas was no longer the powerful angel he had relied on hit him like a punch in the gut. He realized that Cas was just as lost and overwhelmed as Dean felt.

“You haven’t slept in the past three days?”

“I was trying to find you. I didn’t have time.”

“Oh. Well, just lay down and close your eyes. You’re human now so your body should do the rest.”

“Oh. Okay” Cas said quietly.

Dean chuckled to himself. He fell into bed still wearing his clothes. He lied there staring at the ceiling thinking of the past three days; thinking of Sam lying unconscious in his hospital bed. He took a deep breath and exhaled with a sigh.

“Night, Cas.” There was no response. Dean lifted his head to find Cas already sleeping; mouth hung open with one hand smashed against his face. Dean dropped his head back on his pillow feeling almost jealous. This fallen angel, who had to ask how to sleep, had succumbed to unconsciousness in a matter of minutes. If only it were that easy for Dean.

***

            Dean awoke the next morning very suddenly. He had not slept soundly at all and therefore felt robbed of rest. He had hardly slept in the past three days; an occupational hazard he had long since grown used to. He glanced over at the couch to find Cas still out cold in the same position he’d fallen asleep in. Dean rolled his eyes as a new wave of jealousy washed over him. Dean stared for a moment, taking in the peacefulness of Cas’ face. He had never seen it this way before. Dean was familiar with the pensive look, complete with furrowed brow. Even when Cas had allowed a rare smile to flit across his face, it still always seemed so rigid and unyielding. But his face was now relaxed and free of all emotion. It seemed innocent and child-like somehow; like everything Cas had ever been through had just been a bad dream. Dean forced his thoughts back to the present and decided he needed to see Sam. He left a note with his mobile number in case Cas woke up and needed anything.

            Upon arrival at the hospital, the doctors informed Dean that nothing had changed overnight. He sat down next to Sam’s bed and looked at his pale face. He was reminded of the peacefulness he’d seen in Cas’ face, only Sam’s was obstructed by tubes and looked gaunt and sunken in.

“Dammit, Sammy,” he finally whispered. “I should be the one in this bed. I was supposed to do the trials”. He thought back to when the trials first started; when Sam had killed the Hell-Hound. It was never supposed to be Sam. It was Dean’s job to protect his little brother, no matter how pointless it sometimes seemed. No matter how he tried to protect Sammy, something else would come along and ruin his efforts. Dean felt the familiar sting of tears in his eyes and lowered his head, rubbing his hand over his entire face in one swipe. He didn’t know what to do. He was helpless and he hated it. Dean had been sitting with Sam for a little over two hours when his phone rang.

“Dean” a voice said urgently.

“Cas, I see you’ve finally woken up”.

“Yes,” Cas stated. “I need food”.

Dean had to admit he was starving as well. Along with sleep, food was something he hadn’t had enough of in the past three days.

“Yeah, ok. Be back in a few. I’ll grab some grub on the way”.

            On the way back, he stopped at a food mart and grabbed some snacks, microwavable meals, and a cherry pie. He ate the pie in the car. When he got back to the room, Cas was flipping through channels; his usual look had returned, making every feature on his face look harsh and stone-like. He switched the television off and got up to join Dean at the table where the food had been placed. They ate mostly in silence due to the violet hunger in both their stomachs.

            Dean was the first to speak after finally consuming enough food to satiate his hunger.       “So, what’s the plan, Cas?”

“Well, I suspect there must be some way to reverse what Metatron did. The information is most likely located on the Angel Tablet. We’ll need to locate it”.

Dean was slightly taken aback. When he had asked his question he was thinking solely of Sammy and how to save him.

“I couldn’t care less about what happened to the angels. I mean, I feel bad for ya man, clipped wings and all, but most of those feathery sons-a-bitches had it comin’. We need a plan for saving Sam”.

“Dean, I’m not sure there’s a way”.

“Excuse me? What do you mean you’re not sure there’s a way?”

“Dean, those trials were designed to take the life of the person who completed them; a sort of payment for closing the gates of Hell”. Cas explained this like it was obvious.

“So, what? You’re just gonna sit back and let Sam die?”

“Dean, I -”

“You’re so damn selfish, Cas. I thought you showed up ‘cause you wanted to help, but you care more about fixing your own crap”.

“Dean, I do want to help. I just need to make right what I’ve done”.

Dean exhaled in disbelief.

“That’s exactly my point, Cas. This isn’t the first time you’ve done something you thought would help fix your mistake, only to have it blow up in your face.”

At these words Dean stood up, shoving his chair back with his legs. He began pacing around the tiny motel room. He didn’t know why, but Cas’ reluctance to believe Sam could be saved felt like the worst betrayal yet.

“And after all this time; after everything we’ve been through, you would still choose those controlling bastards over me”.

Cas, who had been looking toward the window, finally looked at Dean.

“Dean, I – The reason I feel the need to fix these mistakes – I’ve – I’ve failed you”.

Cas’ unchangeable features faltered slightly when he uttered these words. Dean saw a small upturn in his brow; a slight quiver in his chin. Then a thought occurred to Dean; what if every time Cas was trying to do good – every time he messed up and felt the need to make things right – what if he had done those things to not seem like a failure in Dean’s eyes?

“Cas – You’ve made mistakes. Let it go. I need you and I can’t do this; not alone”.

Cas stood up and walked toward Dean, ignoring personal space as he always did.

“You’re right. I’ve been selfish. Even when I strayed you were always there for me. You’ve always proven that you cared. It’s time I did the same. We should find a plan to save Sam”.

“- Thanks” Dean whispered. He stared into Cas’ eyes, seeing the truth of his words reflected there. He continued staring even after he know too much time had passed to be considered ‘socially acceptable’, for Dean had discovered a comfort in Cas’ eyes he hadn’t noticed before; one he didn’t want to lose. As he was realizing this, Cas’ features solidified abruptly, like something was wrong.

“What?” Dean asked wearily, still inches from his face.

“I – I just feel – never mind”.

Cas’ eyes narrowed slightly as he turned and walked to the couch. He picked up the remote and resumed flipping through channels, though too quickly to really register anything on the screen. Dean stood staring toward the food, Cas’ words still hanging in the air. He went over them in his mind, trying to predict what Cas would’ve said next. He thought maybe he knew, only because he had felt something too; something that was different than anything else he had experienced. It reminded him of how he had felt looking into Lisa’s eyes – but that couldn’t be the same; could it? He had loved Lisa; loved her more than he’d loved anyone thus far, and yet what he felt looking into Cas’ eyes was so reminiscent of that – it made him nervous for some reason. He glanced over at Cas who had now settled on a medical show.

“I’m gonna – ahem – take a nap” Dean announced as he cleared his throat.

Cas said nothing.

***

Dean opened his eyes. He looked toward the window and saw it was beginning to get dark outside. He must have been more tired than he had felt to have slept this long. The only source of light in the room was the television; throwing colors everywhere. He sat up and looked toward the couch. Cas was still sitting there, only now his head was tilted all the way back as he slept; mouth gaping. Dean got out of bed and walked to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He quickly undressed and hopped in the shower. As he was running the motel shampoo through his hair, the thoughts he had fallen asleep with came rushing back to him. He had finally realized what these feelings meant; he just didn’t want to admit to himself that he knew. He began thinking of Cas sitting out there on the couch. Random thoughts began pushing their way into his head. The way Cas’ eyes seemed to be a million shades of blue; the way his hair turned up and to the side in the front; his social awkwardness and disregard for personal space. He began to realize that all of these things; these things that made Cas who he was, had become a part of him as well. He realized how much he actually needed Cas; how much he relied on him. He tried to push these thoughts away from his mind, but just as before, he began comparing these feelings for Cas with the feelings he had had for Lisa. The feelings he had had for Lisa had been real; he had loved her. In a time when he was vulnerable and broken, she was there for him. She had filled a space in Dean’s heart he hadn’t even known was missing; he had just realized that Cas had done the same. These feelings seemed stronger somehow. With Lisa he had always known it couldn’t last; his way of life wouldn’t allow it. He had loved Lisa, but it was a hindered love; a love that he had put a border around because he knew one day he’d have to choose between a normal life and the life he was destined for; and he had chosen exactly as he always knew he would. But Cas was not normal; he was an angel. He was part of the world that Dean lived in; the world that, no matter how much it put him through, he loved. He didn’t have to give up one to have the other. With these thoughts swimming in his head, he felt even more confused than before. Did he love him? Logically it would seem so, but he just couldn’t bring himself to admit that he loved Cas; a man. After all, he’d lost count of how many women he’d slept with; each of which he enjoyed beyond a doubt. He’d always found women attractive. He realized this hadn’t changed. But what he was feeling for Cas was new and very similar. He had never thought he would feel this way for another man. He didn’t know what to do. Dean turned off the water, stepped out of the shower, and wrapped his towel around his waist. Still immersed in thought and looking toward his feet, he opened the door and stepped back into the motel room. As he looked up, his breath hitched; Cas was standing right in front of him, their faces not two inches from each other.

“Dammit, Cas”, Dean bellowed without taking his eyes off the blue ones that met his gaze.

“I’ve startled you. I apologize”, Cas said, a look of concern spreading across his face.

“It’s – It’s fine” Dean stuttered.

Their faces were so close he could feel Cas’ breath skimming across his mouth. He looked into Cas’ eyes for only a moment before involuntarily drifting to his lips. He had never noticed Cas’ lips before. Although his face always looked stoic and concrete, his lips seemed soft and pliant. Dean realized with a strike of panic that he longed to close the space between them and find out for sure. He looked toward his feet as he stepped back about a foot; a nice safe distance from Cas’ lips and the thoughts they provoked. As he glanced back up to Cas’ face, he became acutely aware of his nakedness. Feeling slightly embarrassed he walked passed Cas to get his clothes.

“Did you need something?” he asked, Cas still staring toward the bathroom door.

“I – I was just wondering how Sam was doing”. He turned to look at Dean but stayed across the room.

“Uh – He’s beat up pretty bad; still out cold. But he’s strong. And I’m gonna find a way to save him” Dean explained.

Cas started to walk toward Dean but stopped after a few steps.

“I’ll help in any way I can” he finally said.

“Yeah, thanks” Dean muttered disingenuously. Even though Cas’ help meant a lot to him, he couldn’t bring himself to express it now. He was confused and _still_ naked; the latter he planned to rectify so he’d feel a little less awkward. Cas, looking slightly downtrodden walked back over to the couch and began flipping channels. Dean walked into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind him so he could quickly put on his clothes. Fully dressed, he glanced in the mirror. Staring into his own eyes all he could think was that he was crazy. _You want women_. _You love women. Women are sexy. Remember that bar tender in San Antonio? She was wild and you loved it._ Thinking this to himself he knew he still felt this way about women, but he also felt something for Cas. But he’d known Cas for five years. What was different about now that would make him feel this way. Unless he’d always felt this way and just never noticed. Could that be? At this point Dean just wanted to stop thinking. He needed to clear his head. He left the bathroom and went over to the table with the food. He pulled out his laptop and started skimming the local and national news sites while eating a bag of chips. Whether Cas believed there was a way to save Sam or not, he damned well wasn’t gonna sit on his ass and not try to find one. He ventured a glance at Cas who had found a movie on television; ‘Thelma and Louis’. With perfect clarity Dean remembered a reference he’d made to this movie in conversation with Cas, which of course flew right over his head. It was when Sam was gone; living life apart from Dean. He remembered thinking that he was actually happy with Cas around even though Sam had gone; happier than he’d been in years even with his brother by his side. Had he had feelings for Cas then? At the time he’d thought he was happy with Cas because he was like family; his best friend. But then again when he was with Lisa, she’d become family too. Too confused and mentally exhausted to go down the ‘Lisa’ road again, he decided to forget about it. Cas was family; his only friend right now and he wasn’t going to ruin it by having or not having ‘feelings’ or whatever. He needed to relax and to be honest he wanted to watch the damn movie. He closed his lap top, grabbed the bag of chips, two beers, and made his way to the couch.

Sitting next to Cas he said, “Good movie”.

“I’ve been wanting to see it” Cas replied.

Dean popped the lid and handed him the bottle while propping his feet up on the coffee table.

“Thank you” Cas said, looking at the beer and then back at Dean with a furrowed, confused looking brow.

“Don’t mention it” Dean said with a smile.

                                                            ***

After the movie had finished, Dean got up and returned to his lap top. Cas stood and pivoted to look at Dean.

“I think I’ll go take a shower now” Cas said with uncertainty, suggesting he was not familiar with human rituals such as these. Dean smirked and exhaled with a laugh.

“Alright. Just remember you take the clothes off before you get in the water” he replied sarcastically with a grin. Cas narrowed his eyes and tilted his head slightly to the side.

“I am perfectly capable of washing, Dean” he retorted, sounding irritated.

“Well, I mean you had to ask how to sleep so I wasn’t sure”. Dean was enjoying picking fun at Cas; it felt like how they had been before all the confusing thoughts had intruded into Dean’s mind. Cas just stared at Dean for a moment; a look of confused frustration on his face. He finally huffed and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. Dean chuckled to himself and returned his eyes to his computer screen. He was scrolling through articles and scholarly works; he searched through anything he thought could give him a clue as to how to save Sam.

Forty-five minutes had passed and Dean hadn’t found anything even remotely helpful. He rolled his eyes, slammed down his laptop screen, and stood up. He walked over to the fridge and grabbed another beer. He hated being cooped up in this motel room with nothing to go on. He peeled back the cap, took a nice long swig, and walked over to the couch. As he sat down to turn the television on, he heard the water turn off. Dean thought it was about time; Cas had been showering for over forty-five minutes. After a minute or two, Cas emerged from the bathroom as steam unfurled from the doorway around him. He was wearing a towel around his waist and his hair was all tousled and sticking up in random places. Dean’s eye was caught by Cas’ build. He had never noticed Cas’ body before since he always wore that damned trench coat. Dean found himself staring at the straight line formed by the muscles down Cas’ stomach. He traced his eyes from his chest all the way down to the line of the towel. His gaze shifted to Cas’ arms. Again he was surprised to find definition. Dean watched the way the muscles moved as Cas raised his hand to rub his wet hair, flinging droplets across the floor. He stared for just a second more before he forcefully pulled himself from this line of thinking. He really just wanted Cas’ to put some clothes on.

“’Bout time” Dean said as he took another swig of his beer distracting him from his previous thoughts, “I gotta take a piss”.

“My apologies” Cas replied.

Dean placed his beer on the coffee table and stood up as Cas walked over to the food. Dean walked into the bathroom and saw Cas’ clothes lying on the floor. Rolling his eyes, he bent down to pick them up. He walked over to the bed and dropped them on the comforter.

“Cas, put these back on. We gotta go get you some new clothes”. Cas gave him a quizzical and somewhat injured look.

“What’s wrong with my clothes?” he said with a full mouth; having just ingested half a poptart.

“There’s nothing wrong with them. You just can’t wear the same clothes for five more years; it’s not human”.

“Oh. Well alright. I’d like to keep the coat though” Cas finally replied as he shoved the other half of the poptart in his mouth.

***

 

“Dean, is everything all right? You’ve been acting strange since we left the clothing store.”

“I’m fine. It’s – It’s just weird, that’s all. You’re wearing jeans and a damned hoodie.” At these words, Dean saw a smirk flit across Cas’ face.

“It’s strange for me too” he laughed.

After about an hour of shopping, Dean was finally pulling back into the dimly lit motel parking lot. He had chosen a spot around back since it was closer to their room. He parked the Impala, turned off the lights and ignition, and opened his door to get out; Cas doing the same on the opposite side. Just then, Dean felt an arm violently reach around his neck and what he suspected to be an Angel Blade press against his back; threatening to sink into his ribs.

            “Dean!” Cas said as he dropped the bags of clothes to the pavement.

            “Cas, it’s ok”

As he said this, he felt the blade tip shift toward the center of his back.

            “I finally found you, Cas. I knew you’d be with this one. Oh, but where’s the tall one? Did another angel kill him before I could? If so, I’ll be so disappointed. I would’ve liked the pleasure of killing the entire trio myself.”

            “Who the hell are you?” Dean grunted.

            “Just another fallen angel like your pet over there; only I don’t think Cas can still hear prayers. That’s how I found you, Dean. I heard your pathetic little cry out to your favorite little angel and I knew he’d find you eventually. It was just what I needed to track him down. The fall was your fault, Cas, and I’m going to kill you for it. But first, maybe I should kill little Dean here while you watch. That could be fun, don’t you think?”

            “Oh, yeah. Tons” Dean growled.

            “You, shut it” the angel snapped. “This is between Cas and me. You’re just collateral damage.”

            “Stop, please” Cas begged.

Dean met eyes with Cas and found an urgency there that made his breath hitch. Dean had been in worse situations before and he wasn’t about to die at the hands of this feathery bastard. Dean threw his head back into the angel’s nose. He heard a crunch and knew he had broken it. He quickly spun around in an attempt to grab the blade, but the angel was too quick; he had caught the top of Dean’s ribs with the very edge of it. In the time it took Dean to react to the searing pain in his back, Cas had rushed over to the angel. Punching him in the gut, the angel doubled over and Cas was able to twist the blade out of his hand. Wasting no time, Cas plunged the blade into the angel’s chest and watched as the life violently left him.

            “Dean! Are you ok?”

            “Yeah, but the son of a bitch got me.”

Dean could feel the warmth of blood running down the left side of his back. The blade had sliced his skin just under his shoulder blade.

            “Cas, I can’t reach it. I’m gonna need you to stitch me up. And I’d keep that blade if I were you.”

            “Yes, I suppose I should.”

Dean met Cas’ eyes once more and found the same urgency in his eyes as before. He could see the worry spread across his face.

            “Cas, I’ve had worse. I just need it stitched up, that’s all. It’s fine. Let’s just get in the damn room so I can get cleaned up.”

Dean grabbed the key out of his pocket, becoming even more aware of the pain in his back. He unlocked the door and pushed it open. Cas had gone back to get the clothes and then walked into the room. Dean followed him in and shut the door behind him. After setting his key on the table, he walked over to one of his bags and grabbed the supplies Cas would need to stitch him up; alcohol wipes, butterfly stitches, gauze, and bandage tape. This was usually a job for Sam. The thought brought Dean back to the hospital room which made the pain in his back feel insignificant. He then walked into the bathroom, set the supplies on the sink, and peeled off his shirt; being careful to maneuver in ways that hurt the least. He heard Cas drop the bags and then saw him in the mirror behind him. Cas’ eyes were focused on the slice in Dean’s back. The look on Cas’ face brought Dean back to the present.

            “Dean, I – I don’t know how…”

            “It’s fine. I’ll talk ya through it. Doesn’t need to be pretty, it just needs to do the job.”

Dean grabbed a wash cloth from the shelf, and wet it. He rung it out and handed it to Cas.

            “Here. Just clean it up a bit so you can see what you’re doing first. Then we’ll get to the rest.”

Dean turned back around to face the mirror and placed his hands on either side of the sink. He met Cas’ eyes once more. A hint of nervousness had replaced the urgency Dean had found there before. He felt the warmth of the wash cloth around the source of the pain as Cas began mopping the blood from around his wound. It still stung but he was getting used to the pain; he’d definitely had worse in this line of business.

            “Ok. Now what?” Cas muttered after all the blood had been wiped away.

            “Now take this and wipe around the edges of the cut.”

Taking the alcohol wipe from Dean’s hand, Cas began wiping around the wound. Dean felt the sting of alcohol and involuntarily sucked air through his teeth. He felt Cas stop wiping.

            “It’s fine, Cas. There’s a gash in my back; it’s gonna hurt.”

            “I’m done with this”, Cas said while handing the wipe back to Dean.

Dean took the wipe and tossed it in the trash. He grabbed a butterfly stitch, took the covering off the adhesives and handed it to Cas.

            “Ok. Now take this. Put one of the sticky sides on one side of the cut and then pull the skin together until it touches. Then stick the other side down so it stays together. Got it?”

            “I think”, Cas said wearily.

Dean placed his hands back on the sink and felt Cas’ hands around his wound. Cas stuck the first bandage on successfully. Dean handed him another, and another until the wound was pulled together tightly.

            “All done?” Dean asked.

            “Yes. Now what?”

            “Now, just take this, put it over the whole thing, and tape it down”.

Dean handed him the gauze bandage and the tape. Cas placed the gauze over the stitched up cut and taped it down. Just like Dean had said, it wasn’t pretty but it did the job.

            “I think that’s it.” Cas stated, still pressing down the tape.

            “Thanks, man.” Dean looked up into the mirror and found Cas’ eyes. Suddenly, he became acutely aware of his hands pressing against his back. After a moment, Cas broke their gaze and Dean saw him notice the handprint scarred in his left bicep.

            “I did that,” Cas observed.

            “Yeah; when you pulled me outta hell” Dean stated as he turned to face Cas.

When Dean met his eyes, mere inches from his own, he saw a look he didn’t recognize in them. Suddenly, the feelings he had been trying so hard to suppress found their way back to the surface. Dean could feel his heart beginning to pick up speed. There was a tension between them he’d never felt with Cas before. He knew he could break it with a joke or sarcastic retort, but he chose not to. He couldn’t bring himself to look away. His mind was swimming with complicated thoughts and almost like a reflex, his eyes shifted to Cas’ lips. Then in one fluid motion, Cas matched his handprint to the scar on Dean’s left bicep, grabbed the back of Dean’s neck, and closed the space between them. Cas’ lips met his own with a ferocity he’d never felt before; not even with Lisa. Dean’s mind was still swimming and this just made it a million times worse. He felt Cas’ lips moving against his own with a desperation that mirrored the confusion within his own mind. Dean lifted his hands, pressed them to Cas’ chest, and gently pushed him away; breaking the contact between their lips.

            “Cas, what are you…”

Cas’ eyes stayed on Dean’s for only a moment before looking down. He stepped back.

            “I’m – I’m… Sorry”

For a short moment, Dean looked at him standing there; staring at the ground like a child who’d just been scolded. His mind became suddenly clear; like the answer to a long unanswered question had just been found in the most obvious place. These feelings for Cas were new and unexpected, but he was no longer confused by them. He knew what he wanted.

            “Cas.”

As Cas looked up, Dean walked forward, grabbed Cas’ face with both his hands, and kissed him. Cas took a few steps back as Dean continued forward, backing him against the bathroom wall. Dean continued opening Cas’ lips with his own as he slid his hands from Cas’ face to his shoulders. He felt Cas’ hands run along his lower back. The feeling of his touch excited Dean in a way he hadn’t known before. Everything about this was new and exciting and he wanted more. He began tugging on the zipper of Cas’ hoodie; pulling it down until the two sides disconnected. He moved his hands back up to Cas’ shoulders and slid the hoodie off until it lied in a heap on the floor. Dean grabbed the bottom of Cas’ shirt, pulled it up over his head, and threw it on the ground to join the hoodie. Both shirtless, they began walking toward the bed; their lips never breaking apart, except to draw breath, and their hands tracing the grooves in each others’ bodies. They fell onto the bed with Cas holding himself above Dean. Cas pulled his lips away for a moment.

            “Dean, I – I’m not experienced at this”

Dean looked into Cas’ eyes and found genuine worry there. He smirked as he let out a small chuckle and said,

            “Well, this is usually something I’d be doing with a woman so I think we’ve got the same amount of experience. We’ll just make it up as we go.”

Dean saw a look of relief wash over his face. Cas then leaned down and continued kissing him. Cas left Dean’s lips and began kissing down his neck. Even though Dean was no longer confused about what he felt for Cas, he was still surprised when he realized that he was actually turned on by this man’s lips on his body. He felt Cas’ lips opening and closing on his neck, moving toward his chest. Then he felt Cas’ tongue graze his collar bone and had to catch his breath. Cas continued moving down Dean’s body with his mouth, finding all the spots that made him moan. Dean could feel his heart racing and longed for more. He grabbed Cas’ biceps and pulled him back up so he could continue kissing his lips. He pulled him down so their bodies were touching from their chests to their feet. He ran his hands down Cas’ back until he reached his jeans. Sliding around to the front of them, Dean began undoing the button and then he slowly slid them off. He then found the button on his own jeans and did the same.

            “Dean…” Cas whispered as he rolled to the side until he was lying on the bed next to him.

            “What’s wrong?” Dean whispered back as he looked into Cas’ eyes. Uncertainty filled the blue eyes across from him.

            “Are you sure you want this? I mean, with me?”

Dean looked into Cas’ unsure eyes for a moment as he thought of the past five years with him.

            “Look, Cas. I don’t know any more about all this than you do. I just know I feel something; I need you, and what we’re doin now ain’t bad.”

            “You need me.”

            “Yeah.”

Cas closed the space between them and connected their lips once more; placing his right hand on the side of Dean’s face and neck. Dean rolled over till he was lying on top of Cas; their lips continuing to move with one another.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
